"Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it."

Terry Pratchett (via phlorealcalicanto)

(via hermaynee)

774 notes

chirabella:

“Now consider the tortoise and the eagle.
The tortoise is a ground-living creature. It is impossible to live nearer the ground without being under it. Its horizons are a few inches away. It has about as good a turn of speed as you need to hunt down a lettuce. It has survived while the rest of evolution flowed past it by being, on the whole, no threat to anyone and too much trouble to eat.
And then there is the eagle. A creature of the air and high places, whose horizons go all the way to the edge of the world. Eyesight keen enough to spot the rustle of some small and squeaky creature half a mile away. All power, all control. Lightning death on wings. Talons and claws enough to make a meal of anything smaller than it is and at least a hurried snack out of anything bigger.
And yet the eagle will sit for hours on the crag and survey the kingdoms of the world until it spots a distant movement and then it will focus, focus, focus on the small shell wobbling among the bushes down there on the desert. And it will leap…
And a minute later the tortoise finds the world dropping away from it. And it sees the world for the first time, no longer one inch from the ground but five hundred feet above it, and it thinks: what a great friend I have in the eagle.
And then the eagle lets go.
And almost always the tortoise plunges to its death. Everyone knows why the tortoise does this. Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. No one knows why the eagle does this. There’s good eating on a tortoise but, considering the effort involved, there’s much better eating on practically anything else. It’s simply the delight of eagles to torment tortoises.
But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.
One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.”
- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

chirabella:

“Now consider the tortoise and the eagle.

The tortoise is a ground-living creature. It is impossible to live nearer the ground without being under it. Its horizons are a few inches away. It has about as good a turn of speed as you need to hunt down a lettuce. It has survived while the rest of evolution flowed past it by being, on the whole, no threat to anyone and too much trouble to eat.

And then there is the eagle. A creature of the air and high places, whose horizons go all the way to the edge of the world. Eyesight keen enough to spot the rustle of some small and squeaky creature half a mile away. All power, all control. Lightning death on wings. Talons and claws enough to make a meal of anything smaller than it is and at least a hurried snack out of anything bigger.

And yet the eagle will sit for hours on the crag and survey the kingdoms of the world until it spots a distant movement and then it will focus, focus, focus on the small shell wobbling among the bushes down there on the desert. And it will leap

And a minute later the tortoise finds the world dropping away from it. And it sees the world for the first time, no longer one inch from the ground but five hundred feet above it, and it thinks: what a great friend I have in the eagle.

And then the eagle lets go.

And almost always the tortoise plunges to its death. Everyone knows why the tortoise does this. Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. No one knows why the eagle does this. There’s good eating on a tortoise but, considering the effort involved, there’s much better eating on practically anything else. It’s simply the delight of eagles to torment tortoises.

But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.

One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.”

- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

(via youcantcancelquidditch)

3,388 notes

"And the trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them’s a mongoose."

Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett, 1991. (via mzminola)

(via lokarina)

22 notes

"

While I was plundering the fantasy world for the next cliche to pull a few laughs from, I found one which was so deeply ingrained that you hardly notice it is there at all. In fact it struck me so vividly that I actually began to look at it seriously.

That’s the generally very clear division between magic done by women and magic done by men.

Let’s talk about wizards and witches. There is a tendency to talk of them in one breath, as though they were simply different sexual labels for the same job. It isn’t true. In the fantasy world there is no such thing as a male witch. Warlocks, I hear you cry, but it’s true. Oh, I’ll accept you can postulate them for a particular story, but I’m talking here about the general tendency. There certainly isn’t such a thing as a female wizard.

Sorceress? Just a better class of witch. Enchantress? Just a witch with good legs. The fantasy world, in fact, is overdue for a visit from the Equal Opportunities people because, in the fantasy world, magic done by women is usually of poor quality, third-rate, negative stuff, while the wizards are usually cerebral, clever, powerful, and wise.

Strangely enough, that’s also the case in this world. You don’t have to believe in magic to notice that.

Wizards get to do a better class of magic, while witches give you warts.

"

Terry Pratchett: Why Gandalf Never Married (1985)

(via ravenno)

528 notes

"Ridcully practised the First Available Surface method of filing."

Going Postal - Terry Pratchett (via ragetti1)

"When banks fail, it is seldom bankers who starve. Your actions have taken money away from those who had little enough to begin with. In a myriad of small ways you have hastened the deaths of many. You do not know them. You did not see them bleed. But you snatched bread from their mouths and tore clothes from their back."

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett (via forceofconviction)

21 notes

youcantcancelquidditch:

madlori:

reiish:

I feel the need to share this. It wasn’t me who asked this, buuuuuut hey guys look

If you guys need me I’ll be in this nice corner, shaking and crying.

That sound you just heard was the shattering of a million Freeman-Aziraphale/Cumberbatch-Crowley fancastings.
Followed by the enthusiastic tossing away of those shattered pieces and a thousand-thousand voices shouting “YEAH THAT TOO”

youcantcancelquidditch:

madlori:

reiish:

I feel the need to share this. It wasn’t me who asked this, buuuuuut hey guys look

If you guys need me I’ll be in this nice corner, shaking and crying.

That sound you just heard was the shattering of a million Freeman-Aziraphale/Cumberbatch-Crowley fancastings.

Followed by the enthusiastic tossing away of those shattered pieces and a thousand-thousand voices shouting “YEAH THAT TOO”

frenchcookie47:

There is a British KitKat chocolate bar TV commercial that predates Good Omens, and which involves an angel and a devil who are just starting their respective coffee breaks. Both exit from separate elevators, the angel accompanied by several pure-white animals, while the devil turns back into his elevator and screams, in a British accent, “Shut up!” to whatever demons are causing a ruckus behind him.

If you are now thinking that this is an extremely unlikely, farfetched annotation — well, so did I, until Terry Pratchett himself gave us the following piece of information (when some folks were having further discussions on how old this ad exactly was):

“I’m pretty sure [this ad] started about the same time as Good Omens, because:

One night I was sitting there typing away when I looked up and there the angel and the devil were, having a teabreak (it’s not really a particularly Good Omens idea, but I know why people like it…) And I thought, hey, great…

And about half an hour later there was an ad (some UK viewers might remember it) for an insurance company which showed a businessman with wide angel wings walking down the street…

And then, just when I was doing the bit where Crowley muses that people are much better than demons at thinking up horrible things to do to one another, I switched on the radio; there was a performance of The Tempest, and someone said “Hell is empty and all the devils are here”. It was a weird evening, really.”

The annotated Pratchett files

http://www.lspace.org/books/apf/good-omens.html

#screaming

(via thesharminator)

"I’m a selfish bastard and tried to write ahead to get to the good bits before Neil."

Terry Pratchett on one of the reasons why he did more of the physical writing on Good Omens than Neil Gaiman. (via omniduffer)

(Source: davidwduffy)

32 notes

College app wants me to list the books I’ve read for pleasure in the last year.

I’m thinking back… and they’re all Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman books. Or, y’know, both.

…Maybe I should read another book — by someone else — real quick and put that down as well. xDD;;; Any suggestions?

4 notes

"The hated have no reason to love."

Terry Pratchett, Snuff

Sometimes I seriously wonder whether he knows just how powerful the words he hides in the middle of paragraphs can be.

(via fabledquill)

(via crowleyismyco-pilot)

22 notes

TERRY PRATCHETT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!

astudyinwholock:

flowersforsherlock:

Just reading a Discworld novel (Night Watch) when I stumbled across this little sentence, tucked away in the description of the effects of a lightning strike:

“In Baker Street, a couple who had never met before became electrically attracted to one another and were forced to get married after two days for the sake of public decency.”

Filed under: REASONS WHY TERRY PRATCHETT IS FREAKING AWESOME.

WHY CAN I NOT FIND MY COPY OF NIGHT WATCH. WHY.

(Source: majesticseducer, via corporalmaladict)

859 notes

(via youcantcancelquidditch)

44 notes

WOAH

mrsmerilew:

I just realized

on the black/Aziraphale Good Omens cover

Terry Pratchett is listed first

and on the white/Crowley cover

Neil Gaiman is listed first

:o I never noticed that!

(via thefairestportion-deactivated20)

31 notes

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

quicksummary:

They’re trying to postpone the Apocalypse, but the kid they think is the Antichrist is not actually the Antichrist. Oops. Religious references!

(Source: , via hanniballecters)

159 notes